I almost didn’t write this....

I find myself attempting to write again. I want to write always, but motivation is hard to find, especially lately. I could be blasé and say “Well, the toddler takes up most of my time....”, but she’s a Saint really. There’s always time. I’m just constantly preoccupied now, with images of pain and sorrow. My mother seems to always be on my mind, I miss her terribly. Her passing reminds me of the fragility of life. Every day, I wish I could have one more conversation with her and I tell myself that there wouldn’t have been that much more comfort in having a chance to say goodbye, though it would have been better. I hope she knew (or knows even) that I love her dearly, even if I took the words for granted and didn’t say it enough.

Five months on and I struggle to feel immense joy without feeling pangs of grief. Good things happen and in the moment I feel them as I should but it’s soon followed by the sadness of not being able to share it with her. It was my daughter’s first birthday recently and I couldn’t face a party with my family. The absence would be too noticeable. We didn’t do much, although as she is only one, I know she won’t remember it.

I understand that this is all part of the grieving process, however, I can absolutely admit that I haven’t been making that much of an effort to help myself either. Sometimes, it’s easier to let a problem wash over you and hope that it will pass on its own. This isn’t one of those times. I need to be proactive. So, I’m taking to this again. I’m not allowing myself the added luxuries that come with a paid blog, as I don’t stick with this ever. I want to now, but my track record is abysmal.

I landed on “Let’s Just Write This” because it’s something I need to tell myself. Hopefully the name will keep me encouraged. I have some life things happening over the next while, and I really would like blogging to be something I can do throughout.

I hope you’ll be reading along.